Sjukt tungt

Sjukt tungt är det och i dag opereras dessutom min pappa.
Han har väntat och lidit under hela pandemin på grund av att han inte kunde opereras då.
Livädd att han ska dö av operationen eller komplikationer efteråt.
Jag har alltid tänkt att jag kommer att ta livet av mig när han dör.
Skräcken att han ska dö har jag levt med ända sedan jag var väldigt liten och han utsatte mig för upperpade trauman som har fortsatt att förstöra hela mitt liv.....
Skräcken har dessutom bara blivit värre ju äldre jag har blivit och påverkar relationen till alla människor jag har omkring mig och möter.
Tycks omöjligt att komma tillrätta med och kunna ha ett liv värt att leva.
I går på sykursen.
En kvinna berättar att det är tungt nu, men hon vet ju att det blir bättre snart.
Blir så himla ledsen och känner mig så hopplös och ensam av att höra något sådant. Tänk att bara tillfälligt känna att det känns tungt och veta att det blir bättre, önskar så att det kunde vara så för mig också.
Det enda som får mig ut ur min lägenhet är suget efter socker.....kakor, kex, choklad, bullar o.s.v. det enda som gör att jag står ut med att finnas typ. 
Fast jag står ju verkligen inte ut ändå.
Att äta all den skiten gör ju bara saken ännu värre.
 
    
Nä jag vet faktiskt inte om jag kommer att fortsätta skriva här alls.
Känns som det är rätt meningslöst att skriva utan någon respons över huvud taget.
Känslan av att vara ensam i hela universum typ.....
 
 
 

Kommentarer
Postat av: Malin

Hej! Vill skicka massa hjärtan som man kan göra på sociala medier och i mobilen , men verkar inte gå här...
Börjar nog bli beroende av smiley-gubbar av alla slag. Snart kan man väl inte prata ordentligt.
Tittat in här lite till och från sen 2018, men det var ju ett litet skutt mellan inläggen så missade att du började igen. Nu såg jag dina senaste inlägg. Jag kan tänka mig att folk generellt är dåliga på att ge respons för det är svårt att komma på något bra att skriva. Jag tänker så också. Men jag tror de flesta känner igen sig i att inte må bra. Problemen kanske är olika, men jag tycker att ju äldre man blir desto mer märker man att de flesta verkar ha sina problem på olika sätt. Däremot är man nog dålig att prata om det. Många går nog med det så länge de kan klara sin vardag ändå. Jag tror absolut du kan vända det. Du har ju kämpat på och testat massa så jag tycker att det vore väl skit om du inte hittade en "lösning" som hjälper dig. Det tråkiga är att man tycker att sjukvården är till för att hitta lösningarna, men det verkar ju variera stort med hur bra hjälp man får. EMDR har jag aldrig hört talas om förut. Hoppas det hjälper. Kämpa på. Kram

2022-05-12 @ 10:50:54
Postat av: Malin

Hoppas din Pappa mår bättre.

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Zobacz nasze [url=https://tattoo-arena.blogspot.com/2023/08/znaczenie-tatuazu-sztylet_01178443399.html]zestawy do tatuażu[/url]

Ostatecznie, znaczenie tatuażu sztyletu chce od twarze, która go doświadcza. Każdy tatuaż trzyma własną prywatną treść również ważenie, które stanowi niesłychanie osobiste. Dlatego, jeśli uważasz człowieka z tatuażem w wyglądzie sztyletu, nie chodzi go analizować pochopnie. Wtedy umie stanowić dla niego ważny i wyjątkowy symbol.

Lub posiadacie jakiekolwiek doświadczenia z tatuażami w rozmiarze sztyletu? Które jest Wasze przekazanie na współczesny fakt? Liczcie się swoimi refleksjami oraz uczuciami w komentarzach!

Pozdrawiam,

2023-11-06 @ 03:44:32
Postat av: WilliamFounD

Russia is increasing its exports

https://siburperm.com/

2023-12-27 @ 11:14:36
Postat av: RogerMar

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